If you are starting to think about Mother’s Day for your Mom, or if you are a Mother anticipating the upcoming Mothers Day stop wishing for a perfect Mother’s Day. Yes, I said it, and now that I look back on the past years I wish I hadn’t expected perfection.
Too many times as Moms we expect too much from ourselves, and if you’re like me you sometimes expect too much out of the day. I know I always wanted it to be special, different some how, maybe even magical, as if every problem will be solved, every worry will go away and I will experience an over abundance or love and appreciation.
Popular media and culture promote Mothers day as a special day, just for Mom’s. We are supposed to be pampered for the day, without anything to do, and be lavished with attention, gifts, and love. If we don’t get it then the day is somehow a failure, or maybe we are failures as a Mother. Wrong.
I’d like to say I’ve succeeded as a Mother, that I have the perfect family, the perfect kids, and I know the perfect thing to say at the perfect time. I don’t. I have yelled, I have said things I wish I could take back, and I am far from perfect. My kids aren’t perfect either, I’m sure they wish they could do things over again, if they don’t now, they will when they get older. So why do I expect Mothers Day to be perfect? I shouldn’t, and neither should you.
How I Had a Perfect Mother’s Day
Recently I was going through my computer files and looking at the photos from May. As I look back, I saw examples of how much my kids do care and it made me remember the hand made cards, flowers, necklace and the very thoughtful ways they decided to thank me and wish me a Happy Mothers Day. My daughter gave me the silk flowers last year along with the book below. Not only did she carefully select the book 1,003 Great Things about Moms Book, but she went through the book and underlined specific phrases that were applicable to me, it made me laugh, because yes. I am the Mom who buys Chapstick at Christmas and yes, they are in every room, or so it seems.
My oldest son, during some tumultuous years in high school, gave me this Willow Tree Mother and Son figurine and it still brings a tear to my eye this many years later. So what makes a perfect Mother’s Day? Do you, or should you measure your self worth through your children? No. As a Mother we can only do our job the best way we know how, with the skills we have been given through our parents, or life lessons we have learned along the way.
When my Mother was alive I lived 1500 miles away from her my adult life. As anyone will tell you, I am TERRIBLE about getting things in the mail. So when she got a Mother’s Day card early she was shocked and surprised. But I always did send flowers, she loved flowers and teapots so I tried to get teapot, or teacup arrangements, the more unique the better, and, I always called. She always took photos of her flowers and described them over the phone.
My kids are adults now and two of the three are living on their own away from home. I have done my best to raise them, love them, and teach them how to make presents special and unique. It’s up to them now. I am proud of them, and if they don’t live up to MY expectations, that ok, because they shouldn’t. I love them unconditionally and I know they love me.
It’s the little things they do on Mother’s Day, flowers don’t just appear. It takes thought and time. The flowers above were given to me when my youngest son was a senior in high school and either he or his sister had to drive to the store and pick them up, get the card and candy that went along with them. Then they had to get up early to place them on the table before I woke.
The odd looking cushions on the left were also a Mothers Day gift. Non traditional, yes, but very thoughtful. My oldest knows I have plantar fasciitis and my feet hurt. He saw these and thought they my help my feet feel better. He saw these in the store and he thought of me. He bought them to give to me on Mothers Day when he was home on his Marine Corps leave.
What if your kids don’t remember Mothers Day, have they failed you or you them? No. You should still celebrate Mother’s Day on your own, do something special for yourself, to make yourself happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. Yes, it’s nice to get breakfast in bed, if that’s your thing. Or get taken out to dinner, if you want to fight the crowds that day, but it’s also have a “moment” with you kids that may only last a few minutes that day.
Or it may be you spending time yourself reflecting back on your time as a Mother, going through photo albums, reading a good book, taking a rest, and pampering yourself. I do agree that you should NOT have to do chores (unless you REALLY want to), dishes, or laundry. Take a break and have the perfect Mother’s Day yourself. You deserve it.